


He can. He's allowed.

by xxELF21xx



Series: Barris Sakan is a Good Dad [1]
Category: Helix Waltz (Video Game)
Genre: Acceptance, Alternate Universe, Barris Sakan is Good Dad, Biphobia, Coming Out, Gen, Langwon Sakan's A+ Parenting, Self-Acceptance
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-03-01
Updated: 2019-03-01
Packaged: 2019-11-07 14:28:46
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 950
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/17962325
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/xxELF21xx/pseuds/xxELF21xx
Summary: Rumours say that Juven Sakan has been sleeping with a man.





	He can. He's allowed.

**Author's Note:**

> this started out as a "Does Juven Sakan is Gay/Bi" joke and then i made it sad because _fuck._

It wasn’t a treasure trove, to hear of Juven Sakan’s womanizing, but it came as a shock to hear rumours of himself bedding a man -- a _manservant_ no less!

Quirking his eyebrows up in a show of mischief, he approaches the noble ladies gossiping away at the balcony, standing right next to the entrance to hide himself better. He acts as if he’s tired, getting a maid’s attention for a glass of water, resting his head against the curtains.  

‘What else is there, my dear friend?’ The sugary words drip like poison from Lady Alinor’s lips, waiting and waiting. ‘Oh, I feel faint! How could he?’ The regret and passion rolls off Lady Bea’s tone, sounding both fake and genuine at the same time.

Juven snorts into his water, rolling his eyes subtly.

‘Who is this manservant?’ Lady Celeen chitters, gold bangles clunking together awfully. The ladies giggle more, exchanging looks of pure _evil,_ as if out to ruin his life with the drop of a name.

Hushedly, Lady Bea ushers them closer to her, voice dropping to a mere note in the breeze. ‘I heard it was the Bavlenka’s footman. Biggus, if I recall.’

All at once, Lady Alinor and Lady Celeen draw back, jaws dropping to the ground in an act of disgrace. Juven himself cringes, cheeks blooming a pale pink. The three ladies continue to gossip, trying to pick up bits and pieces of his trysts, and while it sounds awfully humorous and erratic, it’s enough for Juven to brisk walk out of the ballroom.

Good Goddess.

 

The next day doesn’t go any better. His uncle descends upon him like a hornet’s nest, a heavy frown on his stern face. Juven knew from the stiff strides and hands curled tightly into wrinkled robes that Barris Sakan was going to flay him alive.

Juven Sakan womanizes, Barris Sakan sticks to himself and is as stiff and proper like a plank of driftwood -- that’s the natural order of things. That’s how Finsel sees them.

Backing away out of instinct, of fear, he nearly yelps aloud when Barris catches his bicep in a firm grip, holding him in place. ‘Nephew,’ a dark voice greets him, almost condescending in a twisted way, ‘I’ve heard…. Certain news regarding you, at the office last evening.’

He prepares himself, constructing a lie so perfect it could fool the Grand Duke himself. Schooling his face into one of relative peace and snark, he faces Barris, fear melting away into confusion and relief at the concern etched so deeply on Barris’ face.

He doesn’t understand -- Barris is the _definition_ of straight. He should be… _disappointed_ in Juven, for bringing shame upon the family, twicefold. He should be yelling and berating, talking about maintaining the family status (his personal status).

Barris shouldn’t look like _this._ He isn’t _allowed_ to.

‘I… heard that you have been going out,’ _it isn’t a courtship, it isn’t. He shouldn’t act like this. He’s not allowed to,_ ‘with a man. And I just wanted you to know--’ Juven expects the harsh words, cruel and sharp like a whip, cutting him into shreds.

‘-- I’m not disappointed at all.’

The world falls beneath his feet. The reality he once knew fizzles into nothing, only Barris’ earnest eyes and awkward stiff shoulders remain.

‘If you would like to court men, I do not mind. If being in love with a man makes you truly happy, then I _will_ be glad to help you.’

He can’t breathe. _Barris isn’t supposed to be like this. He isn’t allowed. He’s not._ Juven feels his throat close up, the _sincerity_ of those words, uttered like a prayer and a vow, choking him. It’s not… it’s not _fair._

It’s _not._

All this time, he’s been told to repress everything about _that_ side of himself. He’s not allowed to feel like that. He can’t. He’s not. He _shouldn’t._ Pride to the family, to himself, his name as a Sakan -- that’s what’s key. Everything else is nothing compared to his lineage and legacy.

He can galvanise, chasing after skirts and cupping soft, powdered cheeks; he can kiss tender lips and gaze into hooded, mascara-lined eyes; he can hold small hands, touch smooth skin. He can do all that -- he’s _supposed to._

He isn’t allowed to stare at broad shoulders, dreaming of how wonderful it would to be embraced by slightly muscular arms and have his cheeks cupped with rougher hands. He _can’t._

Langwon Sakan has set parameters to how Juven can act, _should_ act. Langwon Sakan is a man he can’t defy.

And now Barris is tearing down those carefully constructed walls, crushing through steel and stone to reach towards him.

There’s no reason for Barris to do this. He _can’t._

He doesn’t dare take the offered hand.

Barris regards his silence, his reeling mind, with heavy worry between his brows. ‘If I have mistaken-- ‘

‘No,’ he croaks, voice shattered and completely _broken._ ‘No.’ He repeats. He _won’t_ be held down any longer, sinking into the depths of the water while pretending to breathe as if he was normal.

He doesn’t want to feel _broken_ anymore.

His uncle thinks the no is one of denial, but still, he stands tall as a mountain. Tall as a supportive father.

That’s what Juven needed. Needs. He _needs_ someone who will love him unequivocally. He wants to be himself.

Barris speaks, softer, gentler, ‘would you like to have a cup of tea?’ Gasping through his tears, Juven nods. ‘Okay,’ he whispers back.

He’s _allowed_ to. He _can._

Juven Sakan can be more than what he is.

 

(Though, he has _never_ bedded a man before.)  


(He loves Asteria.)

  
  
(He once loved a man. He’s _allowed_ to.)

**Author's Note:**

> longwan can suck my dick.
> 
> come drop by my [tumblr?](https://hunkjasontodd.tumblr.com/)


End file.
